


another heartache

by pithebluepanda



Category: Queen (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Royalty, Depression, M/M, Online Friendship, Self-Esteem Issues
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-30
Updated: 2020-09-10
Packaged: 2021-03-06 17:55:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,450
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26193016
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pithebluepanda/pseuds/pithebluepanda
Summary: Brian May, prince of the Black kingdom, has a huge celebrity crush on Roger Taylor, prince of the White kingdom. He can't stop talking about it with an online friend that is a huge fan too. What will happen when Brian goes to the White kingdom? What will happen when he'll meet Roger? What will happen when Brian finds out that his online friend is in love with him? Who will he choose?(okay the answer is in the tags)Okay I'm really bad with summaries and what I wrote is probably full of mistakes since I'm not a native speaker, but here is the 2.0 version of keep yourself alive (a fic that I abandoned in a totally cowardly way).
Relationships: Brian May/Roger Taylor
Kudos: 7





	1. Chapter 1

Brian is anxious. He knows he should be happy, he's gonna meet his celebrity crush after all ! He follows him on instagram, he read interviews... But he's anxious, and not a good anxious. Not an « anxious because I'm anticipating something awesome », more like an « anxious because I know I'll fuck everything up. ». 

As the prince of the Kingdom of Black, he should be used to meeting new people. He should be used to going to different places. Okay, it will be his first official meeting (at the age of 20, it was about time), but still, it should be something easy for him. But with Brian, nothing is ever easy.

And right now will be even less easy because he's gonna have to face Roger fucking Taylor, Prince of the Kingdom of White. How is he going to survive ? He's too stupid, people always notice it. He never got bullied thanks to the « being a prince » thing, but sometimes he feels like he should have been. Like he would have deserved it. Like people are nice to him only because... Just because they're nice. He feels like people always notice when he does something wrong (which happens nearly all the time) and while his image deteriorates to the eyes of the people he meets, his own self-esteem deteriorates even quicker. 

Anyways, he's gonna have to be ridiculous in front of him. And he's getting closer and closer to that moment. He can't go back now. He couldn't before, because of his parents, who expect a lot from him, and now that he's arriving in front of the castle, it's even worse.

The car stops. It's too soon to Brian's liking. He wishes the driver never opens the door but unfortunately he does. Oh it would be such a dream if the car crashed in a big accident. He would never have to face this moment and its humiliation...

Brian gets out of the car. He's now standing in frond of a huge medieval castle and around him, there's an even huger garden. There are a lot of roses. He remembers seeing in an interview that it's Roger's (well... Prince Taylor's) favourite flowers. Is it because the garden is full of flowers and that reminds him home and childhood memories or is it because he loves roses that the garden is full of roses ? Maybe a bit of both... There's a little pavilion too, it seems super romantic. He wonders how it would feel like to be with the Prince there, drinking tea... Maybe it's where he brings all his women. He suddenly feels a bit jealous, but has no time to dwell on it since his parents are calling his name.

All the eyes (his parents, Roger, his parents and his sister) are staring at him. He becomes red at the realisation that he was lost in his thoughts again. This kind of situation is unavoidable with him, but it's rare that it happens so fast. He's so weird...

« Sorry, it is really nice to meet you. »

He can't bring himself to look at his hosts in the eyes. It's what is expected of him, but he just can't, it would make him even more anxious. Or he would get lost in Roger's eyes, which would make the situation even more awkward. He still shakes their hands, not wanting to let Roger's one go. He hasn't got soft hands or anything, but the fact that it's Roger's (THE Roger, the one and only) makes his heart skip a beat. It doesn't last longer than a regular handshake though. Too bad but for the better at the same time.

« Roger, would you mind showing Brian his room and helping him unpack ? »

It was Roger's mother voice. Brian wishes it was because Roger talked to her about him but nope. It's more probably because she wants them to be friends. 'Stop daydreaming Brian !' Anyways, it wouldn't matter. How could they be together ? There are so many obstacles : their parents and their kingdoms but mostly the fact that Brian always ends up hurting the people he knows. He's never been with anybody (and he's 20 ! A 20 year-old price that has never had a significant other and prefers daydreaming about guys. Well no, one guy... How pathetic.), but he knows it wouldn't last long. Brian is too annoying. Too distracted. Too stupid. If Roger liked him (very unlikely), he would prefer breaking his heart by rejecting him instead of making him hope for something amazing and disappointing him.

« Let's go, I'll lead the way ! » Roger enters the castle by the main door and turns left in the corridor, walked to the first floor then turned right and the room was on the left. Simple, right ? (No. He knows he's gonna get lost.)

« My room is right in front of yours, and Clare's one is this one. » He points at a door in the end of the corridor. « Don't hesitate to knock, I don't bite. Well, not that way anyways. » He winks. Brian's face must be super red because he feels the heat in his cheeks. Fuck, this is so embarrassing. He's sure Roger guessed he was a virgin now. 

« Th-... Thank you. » Brian stutters. 

« You're cute when you blush. Anyways, do you want me to help you unpack or do you want some time alone ? »

« I don't know, I really don't want to bother you... »

« You're not, I promise. I wouldn't ask if that bothered me. The question was « Do you want me ? Here I mean » » Roger winks again. Brian's going to have a heart attack if he keeps on doing that. 

« Yes, I do, I mean... I don't know you but you seem like great company. »

« That's what she said. » Oh, yeah. She. Brian kind of forgot for one second. Well, let's add that to the 'Why they can't be together list'. 

« So... How are you ? I didn't even ask, sorry, I've been rude. » Roger quickly adds.

« I'm fine, I guess. It's still a bit weird to be here. » He should add 'with you', but doesn't. The last thing the other prince needs to know is that Brian's a huge fan that reads everything about him. Roger would think he's a weird (he is). He would avoid him as much as possible. Things would be so awkward. So instead he says « I'm not really used to get out of my room, so being here is a bit stressful. » Okay great. Now he doesn't know that Brian is a creep but he'll think that he's lazy...

Well, he kind of is, sometimes he doesn't find the energy to get out of his bed, let alone his room. The world is sometimes too much for him. But Roger didn't need to know that. He doesn't want Roger to know who he really is. It can seem stupid but he just doesn't want to have a bad image in Roger's mind. They're probably never going to meet again, but that's still important to him.

« Don't worry, I understand, do you want some alone time to get used to your room ? Or do you want me to come in with you ? »

He knows he's being ridiculous but he still says « Please, come... », to which the blond replies with « That's what she said » once again. Before Brian even notices he's blushing he adds « And did I tell you you're cute when you blush? ». 'Cute. Cute cute cute cute cute...' Brian repeats this word in his head. It's the second time Roger calls him that way. He can't think of one thing that's cute in him, but he could get used to it. Perhaps he just likes people who blush. Brian also knows from what he saw on the internet that he's very very flirty with everyone. It always made him wishing to be the interviewer, but now he realizes that it would be super hard to keep on asking the questions. 

« Hey, it was just a joke don't worry... » Oh yeah, a joke, he should have guessed it. How could he even think he was serious ? How could he think that Roger finds him cute ? 'He's the prettiest boy on Earth, wake up Brian. He's never going to like you, he could have any woman he wants so why would he choose you ? You're not even one !'

« I... I'm sorry, I got lost in my head again. » Brian offers a small smile, but it probably shows the sadness he feels because Roger replies « I don't know what I did but if you want to talk about something or a hug I'm here. »

Fuck. He's beautiful and funny and intelligent AND nice. Brian should have known it, he read absolutely everything about him, but he sometimes wondered if it's just something he tried to show for the cameras or if he was really like that. Of course he had to be in real life too. They hug but only briefly, Roger breaking it to say « Uhm. We should enter the room, my father will kill me if he sees me hugging you. »

« Wh- » Brian can't say more, the blond takes his arm and pulls him inside the bedroom.

« I'm sorry I touched you without asking or warning, I hope I didn't trigger you. It's just that my father doesn't like when I make any form of contact with other guys. It's too gay for a prince apparently... »

« I'm so sorry... It's not gay, I mean... Just touching a guy doesn't mean you love him or want to have sex with him or whatever. You're not gay just because you hugged me. You're not gay, but even if you were what's the problem ? »

« Yeah, I'm not... » He says, quietly, looking away. « Tell that to my father... » He adds.

« Well... If you need to talk, or to cry in someone's arm I'm here. If you want I could help you stand against your father. I never do that so I'm not sure how we would be supposed to do it, but I'll be there for you. I promise. »

« That would be useless. But thank you anyways. »

Roger looks up again, making them stare at each other a bit, but when Brian begins to blush, the blond says once again « You're cute when you blush ». 

That's it, Roger is going to be the death of him.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We meet John, Brian's best online friend.

When they finish unpacking, as soon as the princes sit on the bed, a servant knocks to tell Roger he's requested by his father in the meeting room. Brian is now alone : he can finally tell his best online friend, John, how amazing his day was so far. He must confess that he forgot a bit about him when he was with Roger, but now he can't wait to talk to him. They met a while ago, he was one of the first people to discover Brian's profile. John sent him a message about how inspiring Brian was (he's not), then they discovered a shared interest (Roger) and now they talk everyday. John sounded super excited for him when he told him he was going to meet the prince, he can't not tell him everything that happened. His friend must be so disappointed it's not happening to him too, the guy is an even huger fan than he is. Sometimes he finds pictures that will be in magazines only days after. Maybe that's because he lives in the kingdom of White, he must get everything before the others. He's so lucky...

**brianmayforreal :** I wish you were here, this day has just begun but it's already amazing. The prince's eyes are even more beautiful irl, they're blue but with some patterns I've never seen before... I couldn't really stare because I was too intimidated, I couldn't stop lowering my eyes each time his met mine. He helped me unpack my stuff and made some sex jokes, I couldn't stop blushing, but he called me cute. Can you believe this ? Prince Roger Meddows Taylor, the guy who looks hotter than any model thinks I am cute ! I mean, he probably only likes the blushing part, or maybe he said that just because he's nice because I really don't know what he could find beautiful in me, but it still made my day. I wish you were here with me, but that would mean fighting over him, so maybe it's better that I'm alone... Am I even making sense ? -bri

He can't wait to see John getting equally excited and to reply to his questions and to talk even more about the prince. Waiting for a reply, he lies down on his bed replaying the interactions of the day. They shouldn't matter because they're never going to be more than friends. It's not like Roger could like him, not with this cloud he has around the head that people usually call 'hair', not with these stupid long legs, not with his ugly face, and especially not with his penis. Everything's wrong with his body. Roger's a model, he could find so much better than him. He just likes being flirty. He must laugh about him now, for believing he acually is cute.

As his thoughts begin to spiral, his phone vibrates.

**all.day.long :** Brian, you are super beautiful, to me you're even more beautiful than him (but don't tell him I said that, I don't know him but I'd still die of embarrassment). Have you ever seen yourself in a mirror ? Also, we wouldn't have to fight over the prince, you can have him, I already have a crush on someone else.

Brian can't believe his eyes. Not about the 'you're beautiful' part, he always tell him he's beautiful. It doesn't mean anything, they're friends, he won't tell him he's ugly. He's very surprised about him having a crush though. He hopes it's not the end of their obsession with Roger, it was something important to him. It was what made their friendship the greatest he's ever had (well, he never had a lot, but this one is the best). He still tries to sound excited.

**brianmayforreal** : A crush ? Who is he ? I need to know everything !!!

**all.day.long** : He's the best looking man ever, he's funny and intelligent, but it's his weaknesses that made me fall in love with him. I love how he's comfortable enough to talk about them with me and how I'm comfortable enough to talk about mine with him. I never spend a day without talking with him.

**brianmayforreal** : He sounds amazing, I wish I knew Roger like that, I wish I could talk about everything with him too. I wish he could love me, I like to pretend he does when he calls me cute. Isn't that crazy ? We met today and I already feel like that with him !

**all.day.long** : Of course you do...

**brianmayforreal** : Did I do something wrong ?

**all.day.long** : Look, I know you're impressed, I know he's your favourite celebrity of all times but I'm trying to talk about something else, something that's important to me !

Brian feels guilty all of a sudden. He doesn't even try to listen to his friend. Friends are here for each other, and lately it's always John who has been here for him. He never thought John was feeling bad too. He never realised he was in love with someone.

**brianmayforreal** : I'm really sorry... The world doesn't revolve around me and I should know that. Go on, talk about him, I'm here to listen

**all.day.long** : For me it does revolve around you...

**brianmayforreal** : Awww you're so nice, for me too you know, you're my best friend !

**all.day.long** : And apparently he doesn't love me the way that I do. He's too obsessed with someone else, someone that's not me...

**brianmayforreal** : I'm sorry for you, I don't know what to say, I think I understand how painful love is...

**all.day.long** : No you don't, you're in love with the image of someone, the Roger you imagine isn't even real ! I wish you could see that

Brian feels like crying now. He knows it, he knows that he doesn't know the real Roger but he really wants to, and it seem to make his best friend angry. It's not his fault if the man is really interesting...

**brianmayforreal** : I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be annoying, I love talking to you, I really do but if I'm making you feel this bad, it's probably better if I go...

**all.day.long** : No... Please don't leave me alone, I'm sorry, please stay...

Brian can feel the sadness in this message, he's not only making his friend feel angry, he's aso making him sad. John would probably feel better if he was dead. Or better, if he wasn't born at all. He feels like a failure at everything, but he's too scared to die. A failure and a coward, good description of him...

**brianmayforreal** : Okay, I'm here... Do you want to keep talking about that or do you want to change the topic of the discussion ?

**all.day.long** : Will you let me finish this time ?

**brianmayforreal** : I will, I promise

**all.day.long** : Okay. I'm sorry I was so angry. I'm sorry I upset you. You're the most amazing person I've ever met, and I wish you could see me as more than a friend. It's you. I only care about you. I don't want to meet Roger or anyone else, I want you... You can be so oblivious sometimes, I gave you some hints in our conversations, but you never seemed to get them, I just felt like I had to tell you. I felt like this could make you shut up about Roger because I can't stand it anymore. I felt like you could realise you like me too. I can see I was wrong now. I'm really sorry and I hope this doesn't change anything between us.

Oh.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: violence (Roger's dad hits him)

Brian doesn't know what to reply. He's been so obsessed that he didn't even try to think about John romantically. Maybe something great could happen between them. He's not really in love, but maybe he will be after a few weeks. He doesn't want to die without having known love. He doesn't want to die a virgin either. But if something happens between them he won't be able to be with Roger if he has an occasion. He can't just dump John for someone else. He doesn't want to hurt his friend. But again, he doesn't stand a chance with Roger. It's better if he forgets about him. Maybe John could help him with that.

**brianmayforreal** : In fact I hope it will. Maybe if we meet in real life I'll be able to make up my mind ?

**all.day.long** : You're afraid that I'm ugly ?

**brianmayforreal** : No, don't be silly, but people are usually different irl. I'd be really happy to go on a date with you.

**all.day.long** : You're at the White kingdom castle right ? I can go to the gardens. Let's say tomorrow, 9PM ? There's a pavilion, it's quite cute, we can meet there !

**brianmayforreal** : I don't want you to get in trouble... Don't you want to meet somewhere else?

**all.day.long** : I won't get in trouble, I promise. If we meet outside the castle you're the one that's gonna be in trouble. Besides, if we go in a public place we'll be surrounded by people, and I know how much you hate that.

**brianmayforreal** : Okay, as you wish... If you get caught I'll defend you anyways !

**all.day.long** : Okay, my dear protector !

Brian doesn't really have time to think about that since someone knocked at his door. It's a servant, telling him that he has to go to the dining room. He asks her to lead the way, he knows he would get lost if she didn't. He doesn't even know where the room is.

When he arrives, the first thing he notices is Roger's eyes. They're red. Whatever his father said or has done to him, it hurt the prince. Or maybe it's « just » because he smoked weed, something he admitted doing in an interview. It's legal here anyways. Not very accepted for a prince, but legal. And Brian doubts the police can do anything against the royal family anyways. Maybe Roger will let him try. It's something he really wants to try at least once in his life, but it would be complicated to do it at home because of his parents : he would have to meet someone to get some, and he's not really allowed to go out of the castle.

« Allergies. » It's Roger's voice.

« What ? »

« You're staring at my eyes right ? I know how red they are. After my discussion with my father I went into the gardens. There is a lot of pollen there. Unfortunately I'm allergic. »

Weird, Brian doesn't remember him telling anyone he's got allergies. Roger and Brian both eat in silence, lowering their eyes. When the dinner is over, they walk together to their bedroom. Brian is the one who finally breaks the silence. « Is it that bad ? I mean, I don't want to pressure you into talking about it if you don't want to, but I don't think it's a good thing to face these things alone, whatever the 'these' are. »

« It's allergies I'm telling you. » Roger replies dryly.

« Okay, sorry... I guess I'm going to go to my room now. Goodnight. »

« Goodnight ? Do you really think I'm gonna spend a good night ? » Okay, now the prince is angry. Brian doesn't even know what he did. Today he managed to annoy the only two people he talked to. Well done Brian.

\---

Alone in his room, he realises how alone he feels. No Roger, no John, nobody. Maybe he could ask Clare, Roger's sister, things about his brother ? Or maybe they just could talk together, like a sleepover. Yeah, it's probably better than to lay on his bed and fail to sleep. So he goes out of his room, and hears someone sniff and cry. It comes from Roger's room. He's not trying to eavesdrop, but he hears a girl's voice. « Hey, it's gonna be okay, I know he cares about you... » Then Roger replies something he can't really understand. It was probably something like « leave me alone » because the door opens and Brian is nearly hit in the face. Ouch, caught in the act.

« Did your parents teach you not to listen to other people's conversations ? » Clare is definitely angry too. That's a third person he can add on his list.

« Wait, how much did you hear ? » Roger seems scared, his voice is so high pitched compared to his normal voice, and he seems so small in his big room.

« Not much. Roger, you know you can talk to me. I don't know you but I want to help and I can't do it if I don't know what's going on... »

Clare closes the door behind her, probably with too much force because it makes a lot of noise. Brian winces.

« You can't help. Go away. » she says, still angry.

« I... I'm sorry, really. Please tell Roger I didn't mean to annoy him or to be too insistent. »

« No. Go away now. »

Brian is lost. What's happening ? Okay, Roger feels sad and doesn't want any help, but why is Clare so angry at him ? Was it the fact that it seems like he was listening to their conversation ? Was it that secret ? What did his father do ? Insult him ? Threaten him ? Hit him ? Is it why he looked so scared ? It's true that it would stain the image of the perfect family they try to show to the world, but it's not like Brian would tell the press. Well, Roger can't know that, maybe that's why.

\---

Brian struggled to fall asleep, and he's not a morning person : of course when he woke up he was tired as if he ran a marathon. Now he just finished eating breakfast. He was about to go back to his room to wait for anything interesting happening, but King Michael Taylor speaks to Roger in a hushed voice and drags him out of the room. Naturally, Brian has to follow. He tries to convince himself it's to make sure nothing bad happens. Deep down he knows he's just curious.

They walk down dark narrow stairs. The creepy kind of stairs. Fortunately Brian manages to be discrete enough to avoid getting caught. He would be in such trouble. He doesn't dwells on this thought though, since he hears the king yelling. « ROGER MEDDOWS TAY... » a door slams. Brian is forced to stay hidden in the corridor (as creepy as the stairs). He stills hears the yelling though.

« ...lor, you can't even imagine the consequences of what you've done. I'm so tired of you. When were you going to tell me there were goddamn pictures ? »

« He was supposed to keep this for himself ! »

« Well now he's asking me even more money to keep this a secret. I already had to pay for his silence then, and now he comes back and asks for more. Do you understand how bad this is ? Do you understand that our family can't pay for all your fantasies ? Do you really want to look like a slut in front of your people ? »

« They already know I'm a slut. They know I spend my time sleeping around... »

« With women !!! They don't know how many men there were too ! »

Roger doesn't reply. There's a small silence before Michael speaks again, with a voice full of disdain.

« You're going to ruin us. Is that what you want, you little poof ? »

« No, dad, please... Please stop... »

Roger is half begging, half crying. Brian can imagine what is going on in this room, but he's not sure he wants to know everything. He hears a few more « Please », and a few « I'll stop, I promise ». Then there's a big slap, a sound of something crashing into the wall, and the door opens. Fuck. Brian doesn't dare to move, nor to breathe. Michael leaves the room and goes upstairs without noticing him. It's like nothing happened. The king didn't even look bothered by anything. As soon as the curly haired prince knows the king isn't going to come back, he rushes inside the room. What he sees horrifies him. It looks like a small bunker, but with a chair in the middle. It's dark, and there's moss on the walls. It's scary, but it would be okay without the sight of an unconscious Roger, with his white shirt stained with blood, just in the corner of the room.


End file.
